New Horizons

Earlier this year I found my YouTube feed filled with songs of a peculiar sounding movie titled "Call me by your name". Wondering why on earth I'd ever do that, I gave the song a try. It would take me just half a minute to realize that this song, this particular song, I would cherish as a favorite forever. And hence began the fangirling. I watched all the trailers. I read the Wikipedia article. I watched interviews of the author. I stalked Armie Hammer on Instagram. I told everyone I met about the book, the movie and especially, the songs. And of course, I listened to "Mystery of love" on repeat till my ears throbbed in pain and my head was filled with confabulations of warm sunny days and sepia-tinted skies. My imagination of the summers of northern Italy was  prefaced by the opening scenes of the movie, the characters complementing the green of the orchard, basking in the white light of the yellow sun, in their billowy pastel colored clothes. It reminded me o...

Hedonic adaptation will ruin me. It may have been useful for an evolutionary purpose but I believe the whole concept of aligning oneself to a state of happiness leads to a state of contentment leading to stagnation, lack of motivation to do additional work and hence, to reduction in efficiency of work done. Simply said, the happier you become with any given scenario-- regardless of your initial emotional response to being in it-- the lesser you try to change it. It is indeed wonderful for people who have traveled far and wide to reach heaven on land, but for someone who has plummeted down to the fiery depths of hell, growing accustomed to, and then liking the surroundings is being in one bad state indeed. The hell guy would then stop trying to claw his way out of the inferno, as now due to the great Hedonic, he is totally okay with being baked to death.Not only that, but hedonic adaptation also ensures that people sink back to their normal, baseline happiness. This ensures that rega...

I begin my days groggy and sleep-deprived, my mornings a private hell brought on by late nights and long work hours. Coffee runs at 10 after practicals keep me awake during class. I jot down notes, attend meetings and work, only to end past midnight to do it all again. I don’t mind working; on the contrary I am one who loves a busy schedule. Time is of the essence and prioritizing should be one's greatest strength. We worry so much about making it. About making things right, about making things work, about making it in life. We worry incessantly about plans and projects--we laugh a little, we rest a little but we worry a lot. We worry if we're right; we worry if we're not. We worry of what is to be, what has been and what's happening. We worry without acknowledging it; we worry about the little things and as soon as we've solved the problem, we move on to worry a little more. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind worrying. I like a little doubt to keep me in ch...

Scrolling through my photographs The screen abuzz with colourful l aughs I land on one where I'm so sure Of good days on end Of happiness and more Scrolling through my photographs The screen still smooth under my tightening grasp I see only my face so divine Different poses and puckered lips Like a swine Scrolling through my photographs The screen endless, filled with fake laughs I look closely at my eyes so ghoulish When I think about how I could be so foolish Scrolling through my photographs The screen blotched with tears of wrath That I shed as I see a ruined life well captured In ordinary things like leaves that had found me enraptured

I look into the mirror whilst brushing my teeth, my face all blurry, my extensively myopic (you see, hyper wouldn't have worked here) eyes a living testimony as to why you shouldn't read in the dark. Changing quickly, I walk down to the tracks. And I run. Without music. Without halts. My heart pumping--at first pounding-- steadily in my body, the strength of the muscles amazing me once again. My huffs become my rhythm; the sound of my beating heart, my music. For once I think of nothing-- nothing but the fall of my feet on the ground,the path of my breath down my throat and the sound of the koyal in the distance. Nothing but the fading blue of the early morning sky. Feel the burn, they said. Well I felt it, doused it in oil and lit it up again.

There is a lot of comfort in routine. Lots of comfort in the know, be it the chai at four or in brushing your teeth or making the bed. Or maybe comfort in going to class, listening to the same songs of the same playlist, not changing. This comfort is so embracing and warm and comfo rtable that we forget that it breeds a certain other kind of stagnant behaviour of the mind and body, one which is best thrown out before it settles in. I ponder much about the comforts of routine. So it didn't really surprise me when I thought the same words and phrases as I had before. 26/2/18 There is a lot of comfort in routine. Lots of comfort in the known--so much so that it physically pains us to test the boundaries of this comfort. To foray into the dark wild, beyond our fields bathed in golden sunlight,to do that, takes more than just courage. It takes great appeal to want to know the unknown and travel through what lies Beyond. As the grasp of uncertainty tightens in our heads, choking o...

The ability to forego procrastination and welcome oneself to the realms of all things mature and impressive, namely:  productivity, has to be one's most significant virtue. Today I must reflect upon my lack of loyalty towards the being that I hold very dear to myself. Me. Loyalty instigates that one stands by another under all circumstances. One does not try to impair another by any action ( or in my case, the lack there of). To be loyal to another, one cares enough as to not hurt the one he is loyal to. Much Ado about Loyalty, I have been betraying myself since I could think. In the quest for everything nice, I constantly lie to myself about the necessity of time. Whether it's the 'five more minutes' in the morning or the 'but this is an educational video' while procrastinating and binge watching YouTube videos, I find that I am unable to be cautious about where and how I spend my time. The lack of formality while dealing with someone as complex and stern as ...